ramblings

there is only one way to do this
to close my eyes and drift off to a place of pleasant memories
whether i make them up or not, i still claim them as my own
warmth spreads through my body, but my lungs choke
gasping for pulls of air my eyes are wide to take everything in
but the terrible fear overrides all rational thought
so i overreact, i'm not the only one in the room with invisible sins
the things you attempt to hide, well they are just magnified in my mind
because i can feel and i can think all the things i absolutely know you have
it's not always fun or fair for me, i wish i could turn my sensors off
but if the tables were turned
and it was you inside my head, my heart..i wonder if you'd still
want to sit with me for a while
constantly reminding myself to slow down be normal breathe
at the end of the day i'm still stuck being me





funny how things just happen to come on
moods course through my body
at a wicked pace i can't hide
i don't want to crash and burn
there's some parts of me i just can't risk to injure

this moment we've been waiting for is finally here
my heart speeds up but all other movements slow down
how do i use my legs how'd you get so near
happy scared excited tether me and bring me back to the ground
you smile at me and are really there, solid, all of you
actual flesh i can breathe touch with my lips
i may have been here before, but these currents truly feel new
life's going my way, all is balanced and harmonious
and i'm not really scared to find out you aren't perfect, no that doesn't worry me
more so of when you tire of me, when there's nothing left to discover
this scares me, oh because i can only imagine how painful it'd be
just use this time embrace it, treat her real nice, water feed and love her
see the funny thing about what some call imperfections and quirks
is they pull me in and keep me there, we can share all our secrets
sometimes unexplainable things happen, but it just seems to work
i don't want to lose this it's hard its awful i want you here
but i don't care i will take you here there anywhere.

see, i'm perfectly fine with this turn in my life
but there's small moments that catch off me guard
suck the life from my chest
listening to music driving at night
well you don't matter and i don't care so we can put this to rest
once and for all because i know how you feel
or rather how you don't and like you kept insisting, it was for the best
you were only going to hurt me was your reasoning
well what about those three months i lived in dark
yeah, what was that for? have you got no heart?
i swear no one ever draws this evil from me

Falling for another person compares to getting excited about something when you are five years old. You are hungry for anything they have to say, can't wait to fill them on all the funny moments from your day, and you catch yourself smiling to yourself while walking down the street. Which is quite funny really and you are sure to find yourself feeling silly as others must notice you walking around with a grin filled mug. Songs take on different meanings and suddenly the sun is permanently shining her rays your way. The best part about falling in the beginning is the other person takes on an utterly perfect, can do no wrong, where has this person been hiding my whole life?!, shape. There is no use in hiding because the overwhelming feeling of happiness radiating between two people surpasses being embarrassed about your cheesy emotions. So go yell their name off the mountain tops, yeah!

kittyfight

1

this feels
weird strange foreign dorky embarrassing freeing sexual secretive hidden confessions trusting open relieving
more-when i can manage to write something completely honest and about myself (as opposed to who i would rather myself be. me with tweak)